There’s No Need To Rush

I cannot believe how quickly the time has seemed to fly by. it seems like just yesterday Kevin and I met. Now we have two children and are trying for a third. I still look back at my childhood and it was normal, I suppose. As normal as any privileged daughter was allowed. I won’t get into all that though. It would be far to boring! My main idea for this post is about my life now and an over all of how things have been going.

I started my family young, at fifteen, and by my own choice. Some people think that you come from China and every girl is forced into marriage and early families. I can’t speak for all of China, I only know about the area that I came from and who I knew there. Yes, I might have had an arranged marriage set up, likely by my father. I was gone by thirteen, so for me things went a little differently. I ran away from my father’s rule to be with Kevin. Yes, we ran away together.

For me, my family and my life, is my fairy tale ending. It’s not over yet, of course. It’s going very well though and I’m happy for that. there have been some rough turns and hard times, but we’ve pulled through. Kevin and I aren’t married, but we have our daughters. We are a family. So many times I’ve been told about children out of wedlock… I can’t argue with them. There really isn’t a point.

Growing up, I always believed and wanted to get married before starting my family. That’s how it went in all of the story books I had read. When it came time in my life and I knew who I was going to be with, marriage seemed less important. It’s a never ending symbol of love, but it’s also expensive. There’s so much more marriage then what we think about initially. As a child, I never thought about the price or what marriage meant. For me, marriage was just something you did when you met someone you loved. You got married and that created the happily ever after.

In the time I’ve spent with Kevin and our daughters, I’ve come to see it at more and less of that. It’s less of a fairy tale object. Marriage doesn’t bring fairy tales, it’s not always a perfect day, it’s not the end of the book, and it’s not just something you do because you’re supposed too or it’s proper. Marriage is something beautiful. It’s a bond that is shared between two people and though a million other people may be in that room, the moment is shared only between those two people. It’s something special that only when you get married, can you truly understand. It’s for this reason that Kevin and I have not pushed to get married. Originally, when he asked me to marry him, he didn’t even have a ring. The ring is just an object though and it can be a symbol, but it doesn’t prove love or alike.

I have a ring now. Its simple and beautiful to me. It has all of his heart and love in it. It is not a diamond, but rather a pearl. An outsider, someone who isn’t him or I, may not understand this, so let me explain. My favorite jewelry piece, is the pearl. I think it is the most beautiful of all. Even as a child, I loved the pearl. I think it started with the story of the mermaid’s tear. I don’t remember the story well any more, I’m sorry, but it went like this; the pearl was a mermaid’s tear. it was locked in a a special clam’s shell. The only way to find the pearl, was to search the ocean. If you searched for the tear, the pearl, with a wicked, selfish heart then you would never find it. One could only find the beautiful pearl if they wanted it for the one they truly loved and were meant to be with.

Kevin remembered my love for the pearl and why, that’s why the engagement ring he got me has a center pearl in it. I was so surprised by his remembering that I said yes. he re-asked me to marry him after he got me a ring, which was years after he originally asked me. We’ve been engaged for many years now and I’m happy. I believe that when we’re ready we’ll get married. We’re not going to go ahead with a marriage just so that we may have children (though we have two already) and we’re not going to stop our whole lives believing that marriage is the most important thing.

Something important that I’ve learned since my childhood and I believe this is one of the most important lessons… Marriage does not keep people together. People do. I have seen so many marriages lead to divorce because people rushed into it blindly or with the wrong reasons. If you go about marriage with your heart, mind, body, and soul; if you go into marriage together, then it will not fail. I cannot explain it any better then that. I wish that I could, but there really isn’t a way too.

I am happy with the choices I have made in my life. There are days when i wish things didn’t happen so quickly. Some times I wish that I could have remained innocent longer, but things happen in their own time and place. I do believe in fate. We’re all linked. i made a choice that I may never have been given again. We don’t always get second chances. I wasn’t going to give up my only chance to be with the one I love.

I love Kevin and without whom, without the choices we made together, we wouldn’t have Allicia and Kimiko. I see many more tough times ahead, more family arguments and more smiles. There will be a lot of tears and so many laughs. I’m excited for what the future will bring. We both are.

🙂

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