An Opinion Cannot be Right or Wrong

I came across a conversation today regarding same sex marriages. In all honestly, I usually have very little to say on the matter. However, the comments written caught my attention and I soon began reading through them. Now, this all happened on facebook. In the end though, I found the comments to be quite… unorthodox to be honest. One of the women, Amber, was brutally and rather childishly attacking a girl, Jennifer, for being against same-sex marriage. Now, Amber is 30 and Jennifer is 20. To me, 20 is still basically a child. 30 is an adult and she should know better then to attack and bully a person as she did.

We all have different options on things. It’s only natural. However, nothing gives another human the right to cut down, abuse, or psychologically and emotionally attack another human being. You just don’t do that. It is wrong. It is inhuman. I have two daughters myself and I would be very distraught if I saw someone speaking to either of them this way, be it another child or an adult.

Now, I’m not going to go through the entire conversation. Instead, I am going to link you to my PasteBin, where I have saved the conversation at hand. I only posted once in the conversation and that was at the very end. You can view everything at this location.

Now, my comment is rather long. I’m taking either side in the argument on same-sex marriage. I’ve never had much of an interest in the controversy. What other families do is entirely up to them. However, that wasn’t why I spoke up. Here is my two cents worth in the conversation and what I said to them.

Personally, I am not for or against it either way. I believe both parents can be good or bad. I know some wonderful same-sex parents, single parents, and straight parents. I also know of some terrible parents in all three categories.

Being straight, single, or gay doesn’t make you a good or bad person or parent. I think both views on the issue have their facts. I think that same-sex parents can be great for children and provide a better living environment.

Why do I think this?

As Jennifer said, two men/women think the same way and thus, even if their personalities are completely different, they are more likely to come to an understanding and agreement. While men and women think differently then one another and thus,they’re more likely to argue, causing stress. This causes stress in the house hold. So in this way, same-sex is better. The homes are less stressed and I believe their are less fighting and arguments.

At least, this is what I have personally seen and read in studies.

This being said, Jennifer also brought up the point of men and women can’t be each other. I’m sorry if that wording is a little… off? A man cannot teach his child about a woman’s way of thinking because, men don’t understand the way a woman thinks. Women are the same way. We can’t try to teach our child about how a man thinks. I know I couldn’t!

That is why children need mothers and fathers. Having life experiences between these two parents gives a child some understanding of how men and women think. The differences in how they react to things. Many women are more emotional compared to men, for example.

So in the end, I think there are pros and cons to both sides. Parenting is hard, regardless of what kind of parents or parent you have. It’s in this way, that neither is wrong or right. There is no right or wrong choice in this. Parenting, be it straight, single, or same-sex, they are all choices and none of them is easy. There are benefits and take-aways to each one.

In this sense though, I feel that Janet, Amber, you can’t say Jennifer’s opinion is wrong. It’s not. Neither are your opinions. There is no right or wrong opinions, in this Jennifer is completely right. You might not like or agree with another’s views on something, but that doesn’t make it incorrect.

I feel that Amber acted very childishly. To brutally attack someone and their personal life is very cruel and hurtful. You do not bully people and nothing makes that okay. Jennifer shouldn’t have fought back either however. She should have just walked away. That being said, I can completely understand why she did not. I feel that your words were considered to be ‘low blows’ are were very unorthodox. You are 30 years old, the way you acted was no better then a child bullying a younger child on the play ground. I was offended by your actions and you weren’t even speaking to me.

Amber, I’d also like to make note that you too are condemning an entire group of people because of your belief. To say that all same-sex couples are nice people is unheard of. Same-sex or not, people are people and not all of them will be nice. From what you said, you too were condemning all straight couples, as if they were all bad parents. This is not true. Parents are parents, some are good, some are not. It doesn’t matter what their sexuality is.

Janet, I can’t speak too much on civil rights as I don’t live in the USA. However, I can go by what people consider civil rights online. In some countries, they consider it a civil right to marry 13 year old girls off to old men. In other countries they feel that internet is a civil right. Some countries even consider female genital mutilation to be a civil right. There are many things people consider to be a civil right. That doesn’t make a case of being right. I’m not saying you are wrong, people don’t misunderstand. I am simply putting your words into another point of view to consider.

All of you are free to believe whatever it is that you desire. The USA (which is where I assume all of your live) is a place where all matters of opinion are allowed. Respect each other’s opinions, even if you do not agree with them.

You should never bully or attack another human being because you don’t like or agree with them. Janet and Amber, I feel that you two brutally attacked and bullied one girl. That is called ganging up on someone and it is wrong on so many levels.

Nonna, I think you are a wonderful person for jumping in and at least trying to break this up. She was and is a perfect example. I believe that she respected both options while also giving her own. Janet, Amber, I think you two should consider trying to act the same.

Jennifer could have been nicer, but when you’re being brutally attacked by an adult, I can see why she spoke and acted defensively. I likely would have as well.

So, perhaps in the future, instead of arguing, you all will listen to each other, instead of attacking, bullying, and yelling back at forth. It solves nothing. Violence is never the answer. You all should respect each other’s opinions, even if you do not agree with them.

In the end, I doubt my comment made any difference. I don’t believe that Amber nor Janet saw anything wrong in how they behaved. Perhaps one day when they have children and their kids experience such brutality, they’ll understand.

One thing I have learned is that you cannot change a person’s opinion unless their opinion was flawed in their mind already. However, the worst thing you can do is, as Jennifer put it, ‘shove it down their throats’. You cannot do this. If you try to force your opinion onto another human being, they will resist. At all costs, they will argue and fight it to the last drop of life left in them!

However, it’s different if you speak things through. Debate the pros and cons of something. You can see a new light. See both sides of a view and maybe even change your opinion.

One must understand though, that you have to respect all opinions. Even if you don’t agree with them at all. No matter how wrong you believe they are. An opinion is just that, it’s an opinion and nothing more. It doesn’t effect you or anyone else. It doesn’t cause you harm. It doesn’t hurt you. It doesn’t do anything to you at all. It can though, do all these things, when your opinion is forced upon someone. When you stab it into them in such a violent manner. It can hurt. It becomes not an opinion, but a form of abuse and abuse is never okay. That is when things have gone too far. That is what I believe happened here and that is why I posted in reply to everything. It’s also why I’m writing this blog post.

We all need to respect each other. We don’t have to agree or even like one another, but we need to respect each other. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you or your views, doesn’t make them wrong nor does it make you right. This is a world full of different views, beliefs, and opinions. There is no right or wrong way of thinkings. Remember, your wings might be beautiful, but not everyone will think so. It’s alright for them to think that. Just like it’s alright for you to still love your wings. Don’t cut another person’s wings and do not let them cut your’s.

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10 thoughts on “An Opinion Cannot be Right or Wrong

  1. Funny how you (a friend of Jennifer) friended me today. Funny how you came across a post only available to friends of mine on my personal Facebook profile on the day Jennifer needed someone to back her up. Funny how you accuse me of ganging up on her, when I was responding to her posts that she made on my page, but you don’t see yourself as being guilty of the same thing.

    Now, how did I establish that marriage equality & adoption of LGBTQ couples is a civil right? From the UN. http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/#atop

    My issue with the gender role concept has to do with the reality that we are starting to realize that the concept of gender is just a social construct.

    I addressed the problems with Jennifer’s claims and with the data she used to back up those claims. Opinions when used as she did (in a false claim) can be wrong. http://www.auburn.edu/academic/education/reading_genie/Fact-opinion.html

    1. I will not argue with you over the issue, Janet. I didn’t take Jennifer or your side on the issue . I simply made a comment regarding the issue. If you read my comment at all, you would have seen that I didn’t take anyone’s side. You both were wrong and right in many ways. However, the way you handled it and are still handling it is very immature. You’re simply judging another human being which you have to right to do. Unless you are a perfect person, which you are not, then you have no right to judge another person. Thus ending the conversation.

      I will however, refer you to a study that brings forth a bit of enlightenment. Reality is different for all people. So what may be reality to you, might not be to another person. What reality is for a researcher might differ from the rest of the world. Let me now refer you to two articles that best describe this.

      http://www.loveorabove.com/blog/subjective-reality/
      http://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/my-reality-is-not-your-reality

      I’ll end it there. If you still do not understand, then there is nothing else I can do for you. I can’t force you to understand. All I can do is hope that you open your mind and understand that the world is not based on simply your views and beliefs alone. Opinions are based on a person’s own reality and since each person’s reality is different, there is no right or wrong, as she stated. I agree with that.

      1. Personally, I find the way you’re dealing with this situation to be equally immature.

        You sent a friend request to me within hours of your friend making a comment. I can only assume that is due to my having this post’s security set for friends. This means you intentionally “friended” me to get into this argument. It doesn’t take an expert in psychology or basic etiquette to realize that that’s a “friendship” started under false pretenses or that it was done to inflict some level of harm upon certain people involved. Then you chose to lecture me on this post and another post (my phone post), which would offended anyone. You also chose to take a private conversation and make it public, posting a text copy on PasteBin the first and last (and, for Jennifer, middle) names of those involved, taking away any perceived privacy.

        Now, think of how horrified you might feel if a stranger did that to you or to your friends, or to your children and their friends. If it had been screen capped, it would have been one thing. Pictures can be taken down easily. Text? Text will be out there forever. Hopefully, PasteBin will take it down.

        Jennifer’s original comment was bad enough. I only planned on replying the one time with some links that disproved her homophobic claim. She continued to come back on my profile and post. She continued to be rude to my friend. She continued to be rude to me. (She also made several tweets and Facebook posts about me after this incident and after your post was made.) She continued to suggest that violating the rights of a group that I am personally connected to was okay. This was a decision she made on her own. I responded the second and third times because I felt her examples were flawed. (It was supposed to just be a second time, but I accidentally hit enter mid comment.) And my statement about opinions being wrong stands. You may feel that doesn’t coincide with your personal philosophical bent, but from mine, which is based on reason/facts, that’s how I feel.

        I did read your comment by the way. I also read this post. And I read the comments by Nonna & Amber and your responses to each of them. I don’t agree with you at all. It’s funny that, for someone so hellbent on every person having a right to their own opinion, you seem to like to tear down my difference of opinion. That is a double standard, you know?

        Btw I am working very hard to be more mature, but it’s kind of hard. You might consider looking at sites like http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/anon.htm or googling bpd & emotional maturity to figure out why it’s so hard for me to act like an adult. You know, since we’re “friends” and all.

      2. For the record, Janet, people have taken things – used my pictures and claimed them as their own, even said they were me under a different name. However, you had no shame in the way you behaved. As you put it, text is out there forever. If you had a problem with it being shared, you never should have posted it to begin with. So I don’t see why you’re upset with the rest of the world seeing it and your behavior.

        Now, you claim to have read my comment, but obviously you didn’t understand a word I said. Is my english that bad? I’ve been told it’s very good, but perhaps it isn’t. In which case, I apologize. I did not however, at any point, go against you opinion. I never tore down your opinion. I did only what you did and backed up proof with facts. That opinions cannot be right or wrong.

        You’re quite the hypocrite yourself though. You get upset about someone “tearing down your opinion” while you frequently do so to others. It’s very improper to act so innocent. You should not be offended by my actions, since you claim they are the same as your’s. Shouldn’t you then,. also be offended by your own actions?

        Finally, let it be known that I didn’t friend you to join the arguement. It’s true that I was told about it. I had read it long before I even sent you a friend request. Ultimately, I sent the friend request because we had spoken on twitter a few times and had quite enjoyable conversation. It’s been quite a time since then, since I no longer spend so much time on the social network. Which is ultimately why I added you on facebook.

        It was upon reading the latest comments to the argument that I posted a single post and then brought it here. I found and still find your and Amber’s actions deplorable, not to mention disgraceful. As for your claims of harassment, you are very much confused. I posted a single post to you and then simply wrote on my own, personal blog regarding the incident. It could have then been dropped. You chose however, to carry it over to here where you continue to argue. I have said my piece and now I’m done. You are the one now harassing me as you refuse to just walk away.

        If you didn’t want all of this shared online and under your own name, you never should have argued the case in the first place. You should be proud of what you wrote. If you were not, then you should have never pressed the “post” button. It’s very simple.

  2. Well, there was some passive aggressiveness in my post as well so I can’t really claim to be “a wonderful person”. I, too, let my childhood events influence what I wrote by calling my parents “shitty”. While I maintain I had the “ultimate no’s” as parents (and this isn’t just bitterness about not getting my way, both of them were alco’s and extremely emotionally abusive), I still probably should’ve worded my response better. Plus I wouldn’t have minded heterosexual parents to replace my own, so I’m not as anti-hetero as my comment would imply as I am, myself, currently in a relationship with a man thus it would be silly for me to go hetero-bashing.

    A prime example on my part on how not to comment, really, as mine was an emotional and somewhat aggressive response that should’ve been thought out better… but once it’s out there, it’s out there. I have since amended my comment to remove that stupid last paragraph that was needlessly hostile & I’m a bit ashamed something like that happened from my keyboard as normally, while on occasion snarky and sarcastic, I try not to get involved in such discussions because everyone knows what they’ll eventually lead to & I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. So I’m not a “wonderful person”… just a non-confrontational one in general.

    As for trying to break the fight up, I just -despise- confrontation, especially when it gets nasty. It’s not my place to declare someone’s opinion as right or wrong (even if I am personally in the “gay rights friendly” corner), but when insults start flying around I try to intervene to at least attempt to spare the feelings of people involved because while I welcome constructive debating of all sorts, it stops being productive when it turns nasty because why would anyone listen when they’re being verbally assaulted? I know -I- wouldn’t!

    My own opinion aside, there is a big difference between an argument based on differing opinions (even a heated one), and flaming which I believe was done on both sides in this in particular exchange.

    1. In my own opinion, I believe that we all base our views and beliefs off of things we have experienced in life. Be those experiences good or bad, I believe that they all create the basis for what we later feel. Those views may be the same as our parents, completely different, or somewhere in between. In some cases, our parents may not have a view at all and thus, we create our own entirely. However, I do formally believe that our opinions, beliefs, and views, come from our past experiences. Whatever they may be.

      So for you to say that your comment in the issue was letting your childhood influence things, I see nothing wrong with. As I believe our childhood influences us in many regards. There is nothing wrong with such things. Your life and things you have gone through are what make you who you are.

      I’m sure we all have had times where we disliked our parents or some aspect of our life. I, personally, did not have perfect parents. I don’t believe anyone else did either. So we all wish for something better, wish some aspects could have been different. Such things are acceptable. In the end though, we are left with what we have. Does not mean that we cannot wish for something better for another person.

      Nonna, I did not find your comment to be even a little aggressive. Perhaps I am the only believer of this, but I did not see at all aggressive. Though, perhaps my english is bad?

      Regardless, I still agree with you. In the end, there is nothing wrong with a good debate, going back and forth over things and views and facts. However, things did turn very nasty and that’s ultimately why I commented at all. I do not like violence, be it just verbal assaults or otherwise. I am not a confrontational person. Generally, I like to take the go-between stance and show what’s been done wrong. For many, hearing things from an outsider party and getting someone on neither side can help solve a confrontation. That being said, it doesn’t always work. Some people just want to argue their point continuously and continue their assault. Thus, which I usually stick to my one comment and move on.

      However, as you assessed, no one will listen to another person who is verbally assaulting them. You wouldn’t and neither would I. Many people get very defensive when attacked in such a manner, but others simply walk away. Personally, I brush it off and let it go. Such arguments don’t prove to be anything but a waste of time, frustrations, and can lead to hurt feelings – or worse as I have sadly seen before. It’s due to this reason why I try to end the aggression.

      Finally, you’re right. Both parties were simply throwing fire at one another. Neither listening or considering the views of another. If you cannot respect one another, you will only lead in down fall. Neither side can triumph as long as one is still throwing stones. To triumph doesn’t necessarily mean to prove one is right either. It simply means to respect the other person and accept that not all people will see as you do.

      I find Janet’s comment about the unicorn to be the best example of this. Science and facts prove that unicorns don’t make the sky blue, but if she wishes to believe such things, who are we to argue? Perhaps in her world, unicorns do make the sky blue. Who are we to say she is wrong?

      I feel these two articles best describe what I mean…
      http://www.loveorabove.com/blog/subjective-reality/
      http://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/my-reality-is-not-your-reality

  3. So, are you going to be teaching your children how to act respectful by explaining what you did during this incident? Are you going to be explaining to them how you sent a friend request to a complete stranger, just to join in on an argument that you had literally nothing to do with other than knowing one person in it? Are you going to be explaining to them how you then proceeded to insult and abuse and harass the people (one of which had every right to say what she wanted because it was HER Facebook page this was happening on), just because they were defending the rights of gay people to be treated like human beings? Are you going to be explaining to them how you continued this blatant harassment and slander by posting, completely without any context whatsoever, your insults on your blog? Because I’m sure that they should be learning from their mother the proper way to hypocritically bully and harass people. Or is your household one of the “Do as I say, not as I do” sort? I’m so very glad that you don’t live anywhere near me, because now I know that my children will be safe from interacting and thus being harassed and bullied by your children. You sicken me, and I do not use that phrase lightly.

    1. According to you then, only gay people and those who support gay rights are allowed to be treated as human beings? You didn’t treat Jennifer like a human being, nor are you treating me like one now.

      I think that alone says more then enough regarding you as a person and human being.

      1. You seem to be the only one abusing people right now. I’d go on about this further, but you refuse to listen to anything that doesn’t praise you for being the most wonderful and right person on the planet. You can make anything seem right if you take it out of context enough, and if you put enough words into the other person’s mouth. There’s no point in arguing with you, because you’ll just do what you did before and write a post insulting me. Believe what you want, think what you want, pretend you won this, but just remember that your kids learn from you, and by stalking people’s pages to get information for your slandering, and by writing entire posts dedicated to insulting them, you teach them to be bullies and liars just like you. Please don’t respond to this comment, because I never want to read a single word you write, ever again. Have a nice life, and please never come anywhere near me, whether online or in person. People like you make my head hurt.

        Also, notice how I’m not siccing my friends on this post, like your friend did with you concerning Janet’s post? I think that says something about how we differ in these things. Again, you sicken me with your fingers-in-the-ears technique, and everything else I’ve learned about you from this short experience. Believe whatever you want, just don’t believe it near me.

        And I could easily be as abusive as you if I wanted to be, but you’re not worth the time or effort.

  4. Don’t lecture me on what I can and can’t post on my personal profile. Nothing I said to her was bad. Nothing about it was wrong. What I don’t like is how you’ve mischaracterized it and attached my given name to that mischaracterization. And you continue to do so.

    I’ve also let Nonna know that the PasteBin file contains her full name & personal info. If I were still talking to Jenna, I would tell her that her “friend” has put her first, middle, and last name out there, along with her homophobic comments. This could be bad for her, too.

    How did you read it? It shouldn’t have been accessible to anyone outside of friends. To my knowledge, we have never spoken on Twitter. I added you because I tend to add any person with at least one mutual friend. Facebook said we had two, so I felt safe adding you.

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